


Bed, Bath and Beyond

by millygal



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Brothers, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-18
Updated: 2013-09-18
Packaged: 2017-12-26 23:23:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/971496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/millygal/pseuds/millygal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean wants Sam to get his butt in gear and 'settle in'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bed, Bath and Beyond

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a prompt from strgazr04 "Dean decides it's high time Sam set up a room for himself in the MOL bunker. So the brothers go out to find Sam an awesome memory foam bed. Turns out it's not so easy to find Sasquatch sized mattresses. And then even when you do, it's not easy to fit them through tiny doorways made in the 50s"

"Come on Sasquatch, the store'll be closed in a couple of hours."

Dean's leaning against the kitchen table, tapping his foot impatiently, drumming his fingers next to his brother's laptop, waiting on Sam finishing whatever nerd-related Internet search he's in the middle of.

Sam is doing his best impression of a deaf-mute. Steadily ignoring his brother's incessant foot tapping and finger rapping.

Rolling his eyes, Dean waves a hand in front of Sam's face, "Earth to Gigantor! Dude, come on!"

Sighing, finally looking up, Sam pouts and folds his arms across his chest, "I don't wanna!"

Dean chuckles and closes Sam's laptop, "Why? Sam, we've been in the bat cave for nearly a month and you still haven't sorted a room out. You can't keep catching zzz's on the couch. It's getting skeevy"

Grumbling under his breath, Sam slips his feet in his boots and bends to lace them, "Stupid bunker, never needed a room before. Fucking stupid idea. Not like we'll find one large enough anyway"

Realisation smacks Dean in the back of the head like a baseball bat, "Wait! Wait, you're...are you....Do you not want to go hunting for a bed because you're embarrassed!"

Sam squares his shoulders and stalks off towards the front door, flicking lights off as he goes, not caring if Dean's still fumbling round in the dark, "No!"

Sam can hear Dean laughing all the way out to the car, "You are! You're embarrassed. You're worried they won't stock 'Super-Freak-Size' mattresses! Oh Sammy, this is priceless"

Sam throws himself in the passenger side, face set to 'pouty child', slamming the door just to piss his brother off, and does his very best to ignore Dean chuckling all the way to the local Bed, Bath and Beyond.

As they pull up, Dean leans over, rests a hand on Sam's knee and gives it a condescending squeeze, "Don't worry Samantha, they'll have something we can cram your lanky ass into"

"Fuck off, Dean"

Climbing out the car, the brothers eye the vast array of truly hideously coloured bed sets on display in the window, "Ugh, Dean, do we have to? I mean, really. Half of those look like they've been puked on by a unicorn"

Shaking his head, Dean hooks a hand in Sam's collar and hauls him into the store, "Come on Sammy, we've faced worse"

Slamming his hands in his pockets and letting his feet drag, Sam sighs, loudly, like a put upon house wife, "Least they were all gankable. What's the big deal anyway? Why'd you want me to sort a room out so badly!"

Positioning Sam in front of the first bedstead, Dean gives a little huff and decides it's best to be honest, otherwise Sam's gonna act like a bitch the entire trip, "Look, I just...we never had anything, not when we were kids. I mean I remember having a room, a place to hide from people pissing me off or just hang out when the world gets too loud, ya know. But you, you never...."

Somewhere deep down, Sam understands exactly why his big brother is making such a fuss about this. This is as close to 'chick-flick' as they usually get and Sam's trying to decide whether to make him say it all or take pity.

Despite feeling an upsurge of brotherly love for Dean, Sam goes for childish, as he still really doesn't wanna be here, "What Dean, I never what?"

Dean rolls his eyes and grimaces. How is it that no matter how many times Dean tries to glide right past the touchy feely, Sam manages to get him to make a dick of himself?

"You never had that, okay! All those years Dad dragged our butts all over the country, you never got to have anything of your own. I figured that's why you kicked up so much about school, was the one thing that was really 'yours', but...I...I just want us to have a home, Sam"

Dean gives Sam a violent shove to compensate for the dewy eyed smile spreading across his baby brother's face, "So stop being such a bitch and go jump on some beds already!"

Out of nowhere an obsequious little snit with a sickly grin slips up beside Sam and Dean, "Can I help you gentleman?"

"No thank you...." Dean leans forward and makes a point of reading his name badge, "Oliver. We're fine. Just need to check out a few of your beds"

Oliver takes an involuntary step backwards, "Very good sirs, but may I say we have an excellent range of king size doubles you may be interested in"

Sam can't help the chuckle, it's out before he can clamp down on it.

Dean gives him a withering glare, "We're not GAY! How many times. He's my brother for god sake!"

Oliver looks shamefully embarrassed and runs in the opposite direction without another word and Sam turns to Dean and fixes him with his patented 'bitch-face', "Man, you're so mean. He's gonna be pissing his pants for the next hour"

"Well, it's not like we wear, 'We fuck like bunnies, ask us how!' placards. Why does everyone always assume..."

"Chill, it's just 'cos we're both so pretty"

Dean snorts, grins and starts down the middle aisle of the shop, "Speak for yourself, I'm manly"

Sam follows, looking at all the price tags and daft names of the beds, "Butch, Dean, I think you mean butch!"

Dean flips him off and sits down on the closest bed, "This one's nice, little short for you, but...Owww I knew I knew that feeling. Memory Foam!"

Sam lowers himself down and gives the mattress a bounce with his ass, "What is it with you and that mattress of yours. I'd say get a room, but..."

"Ha Ha Ha. Look, after a shitty day on the job, it's bliss. Come in, shower, sink into something that feels like you're getting hugged"

Sam switches sides, gives the second bed a jab with his finger, "I'm surprised you haven't installed a 'Magic Fingers' machine"

Dean stands and finds a slightly lower bed to abuse, "Oh, now that's an idea..."

"No Dean, I was joking. I do not wanna have to come and dig you out your room every time we've got a job just 'cos you have an unhealthy obsession and a life time's supply of quarters!"

They alternate between throwing insults and eyeing the vast array of bedsteads. Every so often Dean'll get overly excited about some bit of gadgetry and Sam'll just mumble something about him being a child.

"Shit, this one's got a TV that pops out the footboard. Awesome!"

"No, I don't want to roll over in the night and have some info-mercial blaring at me. It'll be dead within the week"

"What about this one, it's got a vibrate function"

"No, you'll be in my bed more than you are yours!"

Finally, after fifteen different beds and lots of disapproving looks from other customers, they cave in and decide maybe they need a little help after all, "Oh Olllieeeeeeee!"

As if by magic, the sales clerk appears at their side, "Yes sir?"

Dean waves his hand at Sam, "My brother needs a bed, and as you can see, he's a little on the massive side. What would you recommend?"

Sam shifts uncomfortably as Dean watches Oliver eye him up and down, stalling at his crotch, then shaking himself back to the job at hand, "Well sir, we may have just the thing for you. Follow me"

The brothers fall in step behind him as he scurries towards the back of the shop.

Dean nudges Sam's shoulder, "I think I know why most people think we're humping like teenagers, wishful thinking! Did you see the look he gave you?!?"

Sam shoves Dean away and scowls, "Shut up! He did not..."

Dean chuckles and makes kissy noises, "He so did! This is priceless, come for a bed, leave with a date. Well done Sammy, been a while since you got any tail"

Sam strides ahead of Dean, ignoring the exaggerated slurps and sucking noises he's making in Sam's ear.

They're so busy pushing and shoving each other, Sam runs smack into the back of Oliver, "Shit, sorry."

The sales rep gives him a sleazy smile, "No problem sir."

Dean shoves his fist in his mouth and turns his back, Sam can still see his shoulders shaking and makes a mental note to kick his ass next time they're sparring.

"Right, we have these.." Oliver sweeps his hands outwards, "they're the equivalent of 'Long, Tall Sally' but in beds"

That's it, Dean can't take it anymore. A burst of laughter escapes, "You mean, Sammy here's gonna have to buy a bed that basically equates to prom dresses for gangly girls! That's awesome!"

Sam kicks Dean in the shin and looks around at the ten or so beds, "That one looks ok, how much?"

"It's $3,000 sir, quite a bargain. Memory foam mattress, articulated springs for a better quality of sleep, also, it has it's own motor function. You can tilt the bed in four different places"

"$3,000!!!"

Dean watches Sam almost swallow his tongue and cuts across him, "Go on Sam, try it out. You know we recently 'inherited' from our grandfather's estate. We can afford it"

Shaking his head, trying to figure out exactly how they can justify charging a small fortune for something you only use six hours a day, Sam sits down on the edge, "Oh, actually.."

Dean takes a few steps back and performs a graceful belly flop onto the mattress, "Oh yea, Sam, you gotta get this one man, it's bliss"

Putting his head in his hands, Sam ignores his brother squirming around beside him, "I'm sorry about him, Oliver"

"Not to worry sir, we like a man who knows what he wants, here"

Dean bites down on a pillow and decides now is not the best time for some barbed comment about Sam being what Oliver actually wants, "We'll take it."

"Very good sir, will that be cash or credit?"

*******************************************************************************

They're back at the bunker, waiting for the delivery truck.

Oliver had assured them it was same day delivery, had signed the credit notes and then, much to Dean's amusement and Sam's total humiliation, scribbled his cell number on the bottom of the invoice.

"I'm telling you Sammy, you could've got dinner and a show out of him"

"Dean for the last time, will you shut the f...." The door bell sounds, cutting off Sam's sentence.

Two hefty, sweaty, bear looking guys drag the bed in through the front hallway, "Wait, I thought it'd come all broken down"

"Sorry mate, it was the only one in the shop, so they decided to send it as is"

Sam's still working out the dimensions of his bedroom door as Dean thanks and tips the men.

"How are we gonna get this in my room Dean? It's massive!"

Dean starts shunting the bed towards the extra large lift doors, "It's not my fault you're the Jolly Green Giant with prom queen hair. Come on, let's get it upstairs at least"

They manage to wrangle it out the lift upstairs and shove it along the corridor towards Sam's new room, "Right, well, it doesn't look like it comes to pieces"

Sam gets down on his hands and knees and runs his hands along the underside of the metal work, "There are screws here, but I dunno if they'll come apart, not if it's a sales room piece. They've probably been done up for god knows how long"

Dean scrambles over the bed into Sam's room, takes a hold of the headboard and yanks, "Fucking hell dude, did you pick the smallest doorway on purpose or what!"

Sam joins his brother, pushing as Dean pulls, they both come up for air ten minutes later, sweaty and panting and scratching their heads, "Well fuck! I think it's stuck!"

Dean's now trapped inside, bed between him and freedom. Slightly on it's side, bedding now in a pile in the hallway. Sam staring at him from the 'outside' of the room, "We could always....wait, just, put your shoulder under there....that's it"

Between them, they manage to get it fully on it's side, Dean grunting and swearing, Sam stubbing his toes and trapping his fingers between the doorjamb and the bed, "Ouch!. Shit!"

"Suck it up buttercup, we're almost there. Why'd you have to be six foot a million, anyways? Did dad throw you in horse shit when you were little!"

"Shut up Dean"

Sam's got his whole weight braced against the upended bed and is shoving as hard as he can. Finally, it 'pop's through the doorway, sliding sideways and back onto it's feet.

"ARGH!"

"Dean, Dean, where are you man!"

Sam clambers onto the bed as it's still kind of blocking the doorway, and looks over the headboard.

"Down here you moose!"

Sam nearly dies laughing as he spots the top of Dean's head and three fingers of each hand grabbing onto the underside of the bed, "So Dean, is my new bed comfy!"

"Fuck off jackass and get this thing off me"

Dean's wiggling and writhing under the bed, "Just a mo bro, just gotta..."

Dean hears the 'click' of a camera phone and thinks perhaps getting Sammy his own room wasn't such a good idea after all.


End file.
